Today was Gideon's due date.
Today I grieve a baby I never got to feel, or hold, or hear. But most importantly, I give praise to the God of the Universe who is gently leading me.
When days of sorrow come and I think to myself, "I want more than anything to hold my baby in my arms"... I am reminded that is not true. What I want more than anything in this world is to be like Jesus, sanctified and set apart. And I praise Him because I know He is working on me, even through the loss of my child, to do just that.
Today is the day of our orientation to become foster parents. I do not know if we will even qualify due to things concerning our current situation, and I really have no idea what the Lord has in store for us, but I am determined to enjoy the journey!
I'll leave you with a poem I wrote (didn't know I was a poet did ya?!):
ON THE CARPET IN THE VANITY
On the carpet in the vanity,
water gushed as I cried aloud
to my sleeping husband,
"My water broke!"
And travailed in labor the first night
in our new home.
On the carpet in the vanity,
streams of tears fell
as I looked down at my newborn boy
with feelings of frustration and hopelessness
when he would not latch
and I could not feed him.
On the carpet in the vanity,
poop flew as my second baby,
a precious girl, mid-diaper change
decided to relieve herself,
to her two year old brother's disgust.
On the carpet in the vanity,
dirty feet began jumping for joy
when the third pregnancy test
said positive.
On the carpet in the vanity,
blood began flowing at 12 weeks
as the baby in my womb
beat me to heaven.
On the carpet in the vanity,
I sit wondering if my womb is
somehow broken after months of
negative pregnancy tests.
On the carpet in the vanity,
You are there too.
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