Why I Am Not Waiting Until "The Safe Zone" to Announce My Pregnancy

Well the cats out of the bag, folks! If you didn't get it from the title of this blog post....
Yours truly is PREGNANT!

As many of you know, Gideon's due date was on Monday. Well, I did not find out I was pregnant on Monday, but God did something even more special for me than allowing me to find out I was expecting on that day. I actually took the pregnancy test yesterday morning. Because we do natural family planning, I knew the date that we conceived this month. Any guesses as to the date we conceived?

MY BIRTHDAY! That's right, the Lord gave me a birthday present in the form of a precious child in my womb that I have been desiring! I am approximately 4 weeks along and due the end of January!

When I saw that the pregnancy test said positive, I couldn't believe my eyes! Keith was sound asleep so I decided to wait until he woke up to inform him of the good news. I went into the kitchen and began to journal, read my Bible, and thank God for the gift He had given me. Many emotions began to surface: joy, elation, hope, worry, and fear, to name a few. It is only natural for the thought of losing this baby to come into my mind, but I have decided to take that thought captive with the Truths of Scripture. The main one being:

This baby that He has given me is ultimately His to do with as He pleases. His Name deserves praise regardless of whether His plan for this pregnancy is to give and keep giving, or to give and take away. 

I made this card for Keith to open when he woke up. He was shocked and is thrilled beyond belief!

Now, allow me to answer the question that will pop into many of your heads when I tell you that I am pregnant. Your internal dialogue probably would go something like this:

"Ohh... Congrats... But are you sure you want to tell people so soon this time?"

Why yes, yes I do. Let me list the reasons why:

1.There is life in my womb. God has given me another child!!!

2. Point number 1 is worth shouting from the rooftops and sharing with every friend, family member, and acquaintance! Sure, I do not know how long this baby will live, but that goes for you, me, and my children that have been born. I do not know how much more time I will have with Elijah and Abigail either, but you can bet I am going to celebrate that I have them now and am going to soak in all the time God gives me with them on this earth!

I want to do the same with the tiny, growing baby in my womb, and I'd love for you to come alongside me. Join me in celebrating this new life that God is knitting together for His glory!

Today was Gideon's due date.

May 18, 2015. It's more than just another date on the calendar to me today.

Today was Gideon's due date.

Today I grieve a baby I never got to feel, or hold, or hear. But most importantly, I give praise to the God of the Universe who is gently leading me.

When days of sorrow come and I think to myself, "I want more than anything to hold my baby in my arms"... I am reminded that is not true. What I want more than anything in this world is to be like Jesus, sanctified and set apart. And I praise Him because I know He is working on me, even through the loss of my child, to do just that.

Today is the day of our orientation to become foster parents. I do not know if we will even qualify due to things concerning our current situation, and I really have no idea what the Lord has in store for us, but I am determined to enjoy the journey!


I'll leave you with a poem I wrote (didn't know I was a poet did ya?!):

ON THE CARPET IN THE VANITY

On the carpet in the vanity, 
water gushed as I cried aloud 
to my sleeping husband,
"My water broke!"
And travailed in labor the first night
in our new home.

On the carpet in the vanity,
streams of tears fell
as I looked down at my newborn boy
with feelings of frustration and hopelessness
when he would not latch
and I could not feed him.

On the carpet in the vanity, 
poop flew as my second baby, 
a precious girl, mid-diaper change 
decided to relieve herself,
to her two year old brother's disgust. 

On the carpet in the vanity, 
dirty feet began jumping for joy
when the third pregnancy test
said positive. 

On the carpet in the vanity,
blood began flowing at 12 weeks
as the baby in my womb
beat me to heaven.

On the carpet in the vanity,
I sit wondering if my womb is
somehow broken after months of
negative pregnancy tests.

On the carpet in the vanity,
You are there too.

Take Your Wife to Work Day

For those of you who do not know, my husband owns his own landscaping and lawn care company. (So... if you need lawn work done in the Jackson-Metro area, I know a great guy: Picture Perfect Places) Friday he had a lot of bush trimming jobs and found out early that morning that no one would be able to work with him. Being the helpful wife, I said "Well, I'd work with you, but I have the children." Turns out that his parents had been staying with us that week and were headed back home that morning. They agreed to take the kids home with them so "Take Your Wife to Work Day" had officially begun. I didn't know what to expect, but I knew that whatever it was would be dirty and hot. Yep. I was right times a million.

I learned a lot during that 7 hour workday, and not just how to trim bushes or use loppers to dig up annoying roots or the best method for bagging leaves. I learned how hard of a worker my husband is and how physically taxing his work is... and how much more I need to appreciate him.

The following quotes are common thoughts that would fester in my mind every day after Keith would come home from work. The explanation below is now what will enter my mind if these thoughts come again:

"All he does when he comes home is just lay around."
All I wanted to do on Friday (and all my body NEEDED to do) was lay down. I was SO sore. My arms and legs were tingling. Lawn work does a number on the body, and Keith will now have free reign to rest and relax when he gets home from work.

"He comes home and stays in the bathroom forever."
I found out that it's really hard working without having an accessible bathroom close by. It's not like he can just bang on a client's door and ask to use the little boy's room. Because of this revelation, I will no longer be knocking on the bathroom door urging him to hurry.

"He always gets to eat out for lunch. I don't get to do that."
I cannot begin to tell you how much I anticipated lunchtime while I was working. Not just to fill my growling tummy, but to be able to sit in the air conditioning and relax for an hour is priceless. I cannot over exaggerate how much the sun beats down on you when you are working out there. It's not just hot, it's goodness-gracious-great-balls-of-fire HOT.

I also failed to mention that the air conditioning in his truck has a short and only comes on occasionally, making going to Newk's and enjoying the air conditioning during lunch even cooler (Get it? Even cooler... anyways, moving on....) 

"He never answers my texts or calls."
There is always something else to do out in the yard, whether it be straw to straighten and fluff or another measly weed to pull. It is constant bending over, holding heavy equipment, pulling huge contractor bags across the yard, and the like. I left my phone in the truck the entire time and had no time to check it.

I did take my phone out of the truck to snap this picture of course. ;)

"He always gets to shower and expects that he gets to without asking me first."
Between the dirt, the leaves, the bugs, and the sweat, NO ONE needs a shower more than Keith when he gets home. I was so disgusting after working (pictures below prove this fact!) A long shower will now be a mandate for Keith instead of my grumbling and complaining about him having one.

This is my "Ewww.. I'm dirty" face.

It may look like a tan, but NOPE. That's plain ol' dirt. 

"He never tells me when he'll get home."
Granted, it is a nice to know when he will get home so that dinner can be prepared, but with lawn jobs, especially ones like digging up roots, there is no way to estimate how long it will take to get the job done. No longer will I roll my eyes when his Estimated Time of Arrival is "whenever he finishes the job at hand."

I say all this to encourage the wives out there to give your guy credit. Whether they are out doing sweaty manual labor or sitting behind a desk in an air conditioned building, they are working hard to provide for us and our children. We need to do everything without grumbling or complaining (Philippians 2:14), and give them the respect and appreciation they deserve. Even when we think they don't deserve it, give them grace. I have started singing this old hymn in my head to remind me of the grace I was given when I didn't deserve it. It helps me be gracious to him in my words and actions when I feel like getting annoyed or angry:

Grace, grace God's grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within.
Grace, grace God's grace
Grace that is greater than all my sin.

Now, don't get me wrong. Being a stay at home mom is hard work but.....


I think I'll keep my day job. ;)

Sew, Mama, Sew!

So my mom showed me some of the basics of sewing shortly after Abigail was born, and I discovered that I thoroughly enjoy it! I have made a few things here and there since then (almost 2 years ago! Crazy!). It is difficult to find the time to sit at the sewing machine and the room to spread out fabric and patterns but now that the kids are getting older and entertain each other, I'm finding myself having more free time to dedicate to it. (I think that was a terribly long run-on sentence but oh well..)

My mom bought me a sewing machine as an early birthday present so I finally got it out of its box and played around with it. To my husband's embarrassment, I am now an Instagramer. (Follow me @msmomaftergodsownheart) He doesn't like Instagram. He thinks its all hipster and artsy and makes fun of me for it but I like it! :) I was inspired by some of the shops I saw on there that had Mommy & Me outfits. At first I thought about purchasing some but then the lightbulb went on and I was like, "No way! I can make that...."


AND I DID! Introducing Mommy & Me matching skirts. Because, seriously, when you have a daughter THIS cute, you gotta be twinkies!

I used this circle skirt pattern for Abigail's: http://www.danamadeit.com/2008/07/tutorial-the-circle-skirt.html
I used this everyday skirt pattern for mine: http://icandy-handmade.com/2012/07/tutorial-and-pattern-everyday-skirt.html

She didn't have a black shirt so I took one of my old black shirts and made a pattern out of one of her tanks to make her top too. :)

That kissy face and ponytail. How did God allow that much cuteness in one tiny human?!

Elijah took this picture. Future photographer or what?!

I also saw shops on Instagram selling some super cute turban-inspired headbands. I used this video tutorial (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NOZjwwmKuk) to make my scrap fabric from our Mommy & Me skirts into this:

Even Abigail rocks it out! AND she actually kept it on her head for a good half hour!

I made the skirts yesterday during naptime and the headband this morning. Here are a few projects I've made since my debut of sewing after Abigail was born:

I made this T-shirt blanket for Keith a few months ago. I used a lot of his old band shirts that were ripped to shreds and weren't ever going to fit again. I didn't have enough so I threw in some AHA shirts that were stained.

Look at them! Oh, my heart. I made them matching Elmo pajama pants.

...And Elijah a hat. Just kidding! It was a skirt for that chunky monkey below:

Infinity scarf! 

Can't wait to see where my adventure in sewing takes me! If you see a pattern or something on Etsy/Pinterest that you really like, let me know! Would love to try to make it for you! :)

... I'm going to leave you with one of my new favorite pictures of Elijah and Abigail. I captured the most precious moment of them in the bathtub together. :) They truly love each other!

It was too cute not to hang in the bathroom! ... Don't mind that wall. I had a madwoman moment and decided to start tearing down wallpaper. This was a few months ago. I guess I also tore off the part of the wall that was supposed to stay there? (oops.) Not to mention all the rest of the walls still have the rad flower wallpaper still attached. Maybe one day I will finish the project I had in my head.... maybe. :)

Seeing Abortion Rightly and Acting Rightly as a Result

Satan has a high place when it comes to abortion in this nation. He is the father of lies and misinformation has run rampant, not only in the world, but in the church as well. I know it's in the church because I used to believe the lies and misinformation. I grew up going to church. I went to a private Baptist University. I was the Girl's Minister intern at a mega church in Texas, BUT if someone would have come up to me and asked me what I thought about abortion my reply would have been something like this:

"Well, I'm personally against it and think it should be illegal but since it's legal now then women should have the choice."

Yep. That's what I would've said. Fast forward a year when my husband and I moved into our first home. IT WAS LESS THAN A MILE FROM THE LAST SURGICAL ABORTION MILL IN THE STATE OF MISSISSIPPI. I would drive by that pink slaughter house EVERY DAY on my way to work and shake my head in dismay-- NOT at the women going to pay a man to kill their baby-- but at the "crazy" people holding signs and pleading with women outside.

Thankfully God saved me out of my apathetic stupor.  I mourned at the realization that abortion is not healthcare, choice, or a right but MURDER. There is no denying this if you believe the Word of God. Life begins at conception. An embryo, a fetus, a "clump of cells" (which is what we are by the way) is a human being created in the image of God by God for a purpose.

Excerpts from David Platt's book, "Counter Culture":

Abortion is:

- An affront to God's authority as Creator - Only God can take life and only God can give life.  Job 33:4, Job 12:10, Job 1:21, Deuteronomy 32:39

-An assault on His works in creation - Read Psalm 139:13-16 in light of someone inserting a tool, taking a pill, or undergoing an operation that takes that life that God is developing and destroys it.

- Attacks God's relationship with the unborn - He is intimately involved in the life of that baby from the moment of conception and even before that! Jeremiah 1:5, Psalm 22:9-10, Galatians 1:15, Isaiah 49:1, Luke 1:15

"If you are a Christian, I plead for you to step out of a muddled middle road that says, "I may not choose abortion, but I don't think we should take away others' right to choose it," and to realize how inconceivable it is for us to stay silent while millions of children- individuals made in the image of God- are dismembered and destroyed around us in the world. Such thinking is not enlightened tolerance; it is sinful indifference. Moral and political neutrality here is not an option for us. Randy Alcorn put it best when he said, 'To endorse or even to be neutral about killing innocent children created in God's image is unthinkable in the Scriptures, was unthinkable to Christians in church history, and should be unthinkable to Christians today.'"

So the way we view abortion should change our actions in regards to abortion.

I do not know if you realize this or not, but abortions do not just take place in buildings with hired medical staff. Medications, such as Plan B and some forms of birth control, sold at every major drug store, pharmacy, and grocery store give women the opportunity to kill their babies in the comfort of their own homes. Recently, Keith and I have been convicted about shopping at these stores. If we truly believe that these medications kill human beings then we cannot support a store that carries that drug. If Wal-Mart carried a weapon specified for women to take home and murder their three year old, refusing to shop there would be a no-brainer. Abortions provided by the Plan B pill are no different.

I began to research area grocery stores that do not sell baby-killing drugs. I found two close to my house. The first one that I looked at apparently is owned by a Christian family because when I went to look at their weekly ad.. this is what I saw:

I found out that they actually change that slogan/Bible verse every week. (This week it's "'Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.' Matthew 5:8 That's the good news. Now have a great day!" -- that just brings a big smile on my face!) Back to the prior slogan, the fact that I happened to be looking for a new grocery store for the reason listed above the week that they had chosen "You can't walk with God holding hands with the devil" speaks volumes to me.

So Mac's is now our go-to grocery store, and we love it! Shopping locally is something that we have always admired anyway, they bag the groceries for you, and our money doesn't support a store that provides medicine to kill humans! That's a win, win, win!

My Recipe for the People-Pleasing, Non-Confrontational, Anxious, & Fearful Mind

We just finished a long weekend of activism and ministry at the Abolish Human Abortion: Project Nineveh conference in Jackson. I'm about to open up a big can of "Welcome to Amber's super personal life," which is pretty much what this entire blog encompasses.... so I guess you are prepared.

CONFESSION: I, Amber Dalton, am one of the most introverted, people-pleasing, and non-confrontational people you will ever meet. Most people have an opinion on our methods and stance with Abolish Human Abortion, and it's usually not a positive one. This clearly causes a major clash with my nature (listed above). Anytime I do not get positive feedback from people on something that I am doing, I tend to get super anxious, and I try to get away from the confrontation. This, however, is not the way the Word of God tells me to be.

Galatians 1:10 - Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

1 Thessalonians 2:4 - On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.

There was a documentary crew filming us this weekend called "The Last Clinic." A very wise woman told me yesterday to not even watch what they put online. She said it would be a waste of emotional energy and time. She said that the only camera that I need to worry about getting me on film is God's. As long as what I am doing is soundly backed by Scripture, and I know that I will stand before God one day to give an account, running from confrontation should not be my instinct.

On Sunday, Satan did a real number on me. I was overwhelmed by fear. The gets-your-stomach-in-knots-and-you-can't-eat fear. Two nights in a row Keith was out at the local strip clubs pleading with men to repent and stop objectifying women. One of those nights a well-known gang (like rough, scary, bearded, bulky men) came up and began threatening Keith's and the other people's lives that were with him. I am at peace with the possibility of Keith dying because of his faith. We have already talked about him going to China to smuggle Bibles and do things that would put his life in danger. I've told him that the only way he could leave me on this earth with our children by myself is by dying while proclaiming the Gospel. A car wreck or illness ain't gonna fly! (God's will be done, of course. I ultimately want whatever brings Him the most glory!) So why was I overcome with fear, you ask? Well, while I was giving the kids a bath, I began to envision a hostile group barging into my house and doing something to them. I could not even fathom it. I got them out of the bath tub and began to blare praise and worship music. I knew that I needed God to speak to me through His Word. I happened to open right up to Psalm (which is a great book to read when you are fearful of your enemies by the way!) I read Psalm 137 and nothing really stood out at me, but it is amazing what simply reading Truth from the Scriptures does to your soul! I began reading Psalm 138. Here are some verses that stood out to me:

Psalm 138:3 - On the day I called, you answered me; my strength of soul you increased.

Psalm 138:7 - Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me.

Psalm 138:8 - The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.

That last verse you may remember from a prior blog post when we were dealing with the adoption situation. It was so neat for the Lord to remind me that His purpose is being fulfilled for me! He knows all of these situations I will be in before I ever know. He has every day of my life written in His book. Psalm 139:16 - Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

The very wise woman I spoke of earlier also told me that in dealing with my fear, I cannot protect what happens from the outside, but I CAN protect what happens from the inside (my thoughts). Once I stop using all my emotional energy trying to play through every scenario that could endanger my children, the more I can start digging into God's Word and praying to surrender whatever happens outside to God.

So if you made it through this long post about everything that is going on in the mind of Amber, I will leave you with my recipe for dealing with everything that I just mentioned going on in my head.

MY RECIPE FOR DEALING WITH EVERYTHING I MENTIONED IN THIS BLOG POST:
(The non-confrontational nature, the anxiety trying to please people, the fear of repercussions from bringing Truth to the scariest of places)

1. Read my Bible daily
2. Pray without ceasing and with my husband daily
3. Anytime anxiety or fear begins to sneak in, take it captive head-on by fixing my eyes on Jesus (whether that be through singing praises at the top of my lungs, reading and proclaiming the Truth of God's Word, or silent prayer)


Praying for any of you that may deal with any of these things that I mentioned. Always remember that the Word of God is our sword (Hebrews 4:12, Ephesians 6:17). It is our weapon against the enemy who is actively seeking to destroy us! Press on, brothers and sisters! PRESS ON!

Update on Life!

Again, you will hear me apologizing for my lack of consistency in blog land. I am horrible at this. I know.

First off, I am sure all of you are wondering what is happening with the whole adoption thing. It unfortunately (well, I say that but if it wasn't God's will then there is nothing "unfortunate" about it) didn't work out. Various things happened and the girl decided she was going to find another family to adopt her baby. Yes, I was heartbroken. Yes, I still imagine a series of miraculous events and us still having that baby in April. But ultimately, I TRUST GOD. He has never failed me before, and He certainly won't fail me now!

In other news, Keith and I have been doing a lot of travelling lately. I went to Texas three weekends ago to visit my folks, we both went with the kiddos to New Orleans for an Operation Save America leadership conference two weekends ago, and last weekend we went to Florida (sans children) to an Abolish Human Abortion conference. I actually really enjoy all the travelling but am really glad to sleep in my own bed and get back to the daily grind for a while. In college when I would dream about my perfect husband, I always pictured some hot-shot Christian music artist who would go on tour and I would get to travel with him. Keith is not a hot-shot Christian music artist (well, I mean, he IS in a Christian metal band (Exhortation)... they just haven't reached the "hot-shot" stage.... yet...) - did you see that, Keith? I just advertised for your band on my blog! You can pay me later. I accept the following forms of payment: foot massage, trip to the thrift store, sit-down dinner, changing Abigail's diaper.... you catch my drift! :)
but God still answered my prayer to travel and do ministry with him. Wives, I encourage you to do ministry with your husbands (and your children!)! It will be such a blessing in your marriage!

At war against the powers and principalities in their camo!

College campus on the way to Florida.

This has got to be one of my ALL TIME FAVORITE pictures of my mom. I love the way she loves my children. 

Speaking of marriage, I just started reading Francis and Lisa Chan's new book called "You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity." It is SO GOOD. I will probably be putting excerpts on here in the next couple of days. Never mind, not going to say that considering my current track record.

On another note, you remember that one time you went to Target in Texas and someone stole your wallet that was attached to your car keys and your dad had just given you like $500?
Oh that's right. I forgot. That was ME!
So yeah, my dad had just paid me for some work I did. He gave me about $250 in cash and then a $250 American Express rewards card (which thankfully we were able to report stolen and recoup). I walk in to Target, buy some stuff, pick my sleeping boy up out of the cart, walk out the door, put him in the car, sit down to start the car, and.... no wallet or keys! I look everywhere. My dad comes and looks everywhere. We get the head security guy to look on the camera. This is what he saw....

Ignore the fact that it's a security camera still-shot and looks like I am stealing this little boy. I promise he is mine!!

If you look to the left, you will see a large rectangular object sticking out of my pocket. That happens to be my wallet which I assume falls out shortly after I leave the store. So if you happened to pick up that Vera Bradley wallet with some van keys and Planet Fitness ID tags at the Target in Longview, Texas, message me and I will send you my address! (was worth a shot!)

So, my van was stranded in Texas. In a Target parking lot. We had to go to the Police Station to file a police report. We had to somehow find some sort of picture ID of me so that we could get a new key made for the van (my dad happened to find a Lifetouch "ID" from my junior year of High School... granted I've put on a pound or twenty since then.) Then, instead of paying the dealership $200 to program the key, my dad and I youtubed it. It was pretty much the easiest thing ever. 

If you ever need a key programmed, "Mike Peery & Daughter's Programming Company" will be up and running shortly. 

We ended up getting everything situated. I got my car back and yesterday got a new license. It's $24 to renew by the way! Geez, thieves! 

My dad ended up sending me the sweetest letter in the mail after everything went down, and I got back home. The quality time that we got to spend together looking frantically for my wallet, getting patted down at the Police Station, re-programming the key to my van, and receiving that handwritten letter was priceless and well worth all the hassle. I would easily pay way more than $500 to do it all over again if I could. :)

That's all for now! Man, I forget how much I like this blogging thing. I should do this more often! ;)