When God Awakens You to Weep

So I prayed last night at the church gathering at our house that God would give us a desire for His Word. I put Abigail down to bed late and didn't get into bed, myself, until around 11 but I had a desire to read the Word before I went to bed. I read some in my daily Bible reading and a few other verses and then fell asleep. I just woke up from an intense dream. The kind where you are crying in your dream and you wake up to realize you are literally crying. I woke up praying and weeping asking God to save people's souls. There were a few particular people in my dream but when I woke up so many people rushed into my head and I began to pray for them as I wept. It's on my heart so big to encourage people to work out their salvation with fear and trembling. Salvation is not something we conjure up ourselves by going to a church building or praying every now and then. Salvation is a work of transformation done only by the Holy Spirit. Oh, I pray God brings us to our knees in humility and repentance. The time is drawing near where we will see how truly narrow the way is and how few truly find it. May we fall on our faces before the Righteous and Holy God before time is out.

Hebrews 3:13 "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."

Sin is so deceitful. Even as Christians, we justify our sin and keep it hidden in our pockets as our secret admirer. This cannot be.

1 John 2:3-6 "We know that we have come to know Him if we obey His commands. The man who says 'I know Him,' but does not do what He commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys His Word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in Him: Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did."

I pray that the Lord spiritually awakens the Church from their slumber and complacent Christian lives and that He continues to literally wake me up weeping for the lost. There is nothing like having a hunger for His Word and being used by Him for His glory! That is the only thing that matters in this life.

Preparing for Persecution

So I know I got off Facebook and started this blog because I sincerely think Facebook is stupid, but I must admit I occasionally get on Keith's Facebook just to browse. Well, when I was on there a few days ago, I ran across an article that someone posted as their status that had a picture with it. I didn't read the article, just the title and the picture were enough. It was a picture of bloody and battered children with the caption "Islamic terrorists rape, behead, and torture Christian children." Do I even need to explain how far my heart sank after seeing that? Then it hit me again: This is coming to America. (I have already written about this once. Find the post here )

It is very clear in the Bible that as followers of Christ we WILL suffer persecution:

2 Timothy 3:12  "In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted..."

Philippians 1:29 "For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him..."

Before we get all up in arms about God "granting us" to suffer, let's remember something amazing about our God: He is not a God who expects us to suffer for Him without first suffering Himself!

Isaiah 53:3 "He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem."

For the longest time in our Land of the Free and Home of the Brave, this suffering has consisted of people not liking us or rejecting us because we speak the Truth. It leads me to question how we American Christians will respond when the "They hurt my feelings"-persecution turns into physical suffering-persecution. The thing is, if we know it's coming, WE NEED TO PREPARE OURSELVES.

So, how can we prepare ourselves for something horrible happening not just to us, but also to our children, family members, and people we love, because of our faith?

There's really only one answer to that question in my opinion: Growing deeper in our relationship with God through reading, meditating on, and memorizing God's Word and prayer. (Note to self: watching television and browsing Instagram or Facebook didn't make the cut!)

2 Timothy 3:16-17 "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be THOROUGHLY EQUIPPED for EVERY GOOD WORK."    <Suffering for our faith is good work. This verse says it plain and simple: How can we prepare for suffering and persecution? The Word of God makes us thoroughly equipped!>

Now, just some comfort for those whose minds have gone to the heart-wrenching thought of your own children or loved ones being raped, beaten, or beheaded for the faith. I know when I initially saw the picture, I automatically pictured Abigail and Elijah as one of those children, and it's not a place I want my mind to wander. We can so easily allow fear to overwhelm us when we let our minds roam to what persecution will look like in America. Take heart, there is NO ROOM for fear of man or the future in the heart of a Christian! Here are some Scriptures to put your mind at ease. (These are also great Scriptures to memorize in order to prepare yourself in lieu of physical persecution. Hint, Hint!)

Romans 8:35-37 "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

1 John 4:18 - "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

Philippians 1:27-28 "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come to see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved - and that by God."

Friends, whatever happens, let's stand in the face of opposition without any fear! What a powerful testimony that brings to those who hate and mock our God and wish to cause harm to our bodies! I want nothing more than to be prepared and ready, full of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God, to look persecution boldly in the face without fear! It can be done by His power working in us!



How are you spending your day? Do you take the most time out of your day growing deeper in your relationship with God? Are you equipping yourself for every good work (including persecution) daily by reading, meditating on, and memorizing the Word of God? When physical persecution comes to America (and also when you get to heaven) you will be glad to you did!

Why I Am Not Waiting Until "The Safe Zone" to Announce My Pregnancy

Well the cats out of the bag, folks! If you didn't get it from the title of this blog post....
Yours truly is PREGNANT!

As many of you know, Gideon's due date was on Monday. Well, I did not find out I was pregnant on Monday, but God did something even more special for me than allowing me to find out I was expecting on that day. I actually took the pregnancy test yesterday morning. Because we do natural family planning, I knew the date that we conceived this month. Any guesses as to the date we conceived?

MY BIRTHDAY! That's right, the Lord gave me a birthday present in the form of a precious child in my womb that I have been desiring! I am approximately 4 weeks along and due the end of January!

When I saw that the pregnancy test said positive, I couldn't believe my eyes! Keith was sound asleep so I decided to wait until he woke up to inform him of the good news. I went into the kitchen and began to journal, read my Bible, and thank God for the gift He had given me. Many emotions began to surface: joy, elation, hope, worry, and fear, to name a few. It is only natural for the thought of losing this baby to come into my mind, but I have decided to take that thought captive with the Truths of Scripture. The main one being:

This baby that He has given me is ultimately His to do with as He pleases. His Name deserves praise regardless of whether His plan for this pregnancy is to give and keep giving, or to give and take away. 

I made this card for Keith to open when he woke up. He was shocked and is thrilled beyond belief!

Now, allow me to answer the question that will pop into many of your heads when I tell you that I am pregnant. Your internal dialogue probably would go something like this:

"Ohh... Congrats... But are you sure you want to tell people so soon this time?"

Why yes, yes I do. Let me list the reasons why:

1.There is life in my womb. God has given me another child!!!

2. Point number 1 is worth shouting from the rooftops and sharing with every friend, family member, and acquaintance! Sure, I do not know how long this baby will live, but that goes for you, me, and my children that have been born. I do not know how much more time I will have with Elijah and Abigail either, but you can bet I am going to celebrate that I have them now and am going to soak in all the time God gives me with them on this earth!

I want to do the same with the tiny, growing baby in my womb, and I'd love for you to come alongside me. Join me in celebrating this new life that God is knitting together for His glory!

Today was Gideon's due date.

May 18, 2015. It's more than just another date on the calendar to me today.

Today was Gideon's due date.

Today I grieve a baby I never got to feel, or hold, or hear. But most importantly, I give praise to the God of the Universe who is gently leading me.

When days of sorrow come and I think to myself, "I want more than anything to hold my baby in my arms"... I am reminded that is not true. What I want more than anything in this world is to be like Jesus, sanctified and set apart. And I praise Him because I know He is working on me, even through the loss of my child, to do just that.

Today is the day of our orientation to become foster parents. I do not know if we will even qualify due to things concerning our current situation, and I really have no idea what the Lord has in store for us, but I am determined to enjoy the journey!


I'll leave you with a poem I wrote (didn't know I was a poet did ya?!):

ON THE CARPET IN THE VANITY

On the carpet in the vanity, 
water gushed as I cried aloud 
to my sleeping husband,
"My water broke!"
And travailed in labor the first night
in our new home.

On the carpet in the vanity,
streams of tears fell
as I looked down at my newborn boy
with feelings of frustration and hopelessness
when he would not latch
and I could not feed him.

On the carpet in the vanity, 
poop flew as my second baby, 
a precious girl, mid-diaper change 
decided to relieve herself,
to her two year old brother's disgust. 

On the carpet in the vanity, 
dirty feet began jumping for joy
when the third pregnancy test
said positive. 

On the carpet in the vanity,
blood began flowing at 12 weeks
as the baby in my womb
beat me to heaven.

On the carpet in the vanity,
I sit wondering if my womb is
somehow broken after months of
negative pregnancy tests.

On the carpet in the vanity,
You are there too.

Take Your Wife to Work Day

For those of you who do not know, my husband owns his own landscaping and lawn care company. (So... if you need lawn work done in the Jackson-Metro area, I know a great guy: Picture Perfect Places) Friday he had a lot of bush trimming jobs and found out early that morning that no one would be able to work with him. Being the helpful wife, I said "Well, I'd work with you, but I have the children." Turns out that his parents had been staying with us that week and were headed back home that morning. They agreed to take the kids home with them so "Take Your Wife to Work Day" had officially begun. I didn't know what to expect, but I knew that whatever it was would be dirty and hot. Yep. I was right times a million.

I learned a lot during that 7 hour workday, and not just how to trim bushes or use loppers to dig up annoying roots or the best method for bagging leaves. I learned how hard of a worker my husband is and how physically taxing his work is... and how much more I need to appreciate him.

The following quotes are common thoughts that would fester in my mind every day after Keith would come home from work. The explanation below is now what will enter my mind if these thoughts come again:

"All he does when he comes home is just lay around."
All I wanted to do on Friday (and all my body NEEDED to do) was lay down. I was SO sore. My arms and legs were tingling. Lawn work does a number on the body, and Keith will now have free reign to rest and relax when he gets home from work.

"He comes home and stays in the bathroom forever."
I found out that it's really hard working without having an accessible bathroom close by. It's not like he can just bang on a client's door and ask to use the little boy's room. Because of this revelation, I will no longer be knocking on the bathroom door urging him to hurry.

"He always gets to eat out for lunch. I don't get to do that."
I cannot begin to tell you how much I anticipated lunchtime while I was working. Not just to fill my growling tummy, but to be able to sit in the air conditioning and relax for an hour is priceless. I cannot over exaggerate how much the sun beats down on you when you are working out there. It's not just hot, it's goodness-gracious-great-balls-of-fire HOT.

I also failed to mention that the air conditioning in his truck has a short and only comes on occasionally, making going to Newk's and enjoying the air conditioning during lunch even cooler (Get it? Even cooler... anyways, moving on....) 

"He never answers my texts or calls."
There is always something else to do out in the yard, whether it be straw to straighten and fluff or another measly weed to pull. It is constant bending over, holding heavy equipment, pulling huge contractor bags across the yard, and the like. I left my phone in the truck the entire time and had no time to check it.

I did take my phone out of the truck to snap this picture of course. ;)

"He always gets to shower and expects that he gets to without asking me first."
Between the dirt, the leaves, the bugs, and the sweat, NO ONE needs a shower more than Keith when he gets home. I was so disgusting after working (pictures below prove this fact!) A long shower will now be a mandate for Keith instead of my grumbling and complaining about him having one.

This is my "Ewww.. I'm dirty" face.

It may look like a tan, but NOPE. That's plain ol' dirt. 

"He never tells me when he'll get home."
Granted, it is a nice to know when he will get home so that dinner can be prepared, but with lawn jobs, especially ones like digging up roots, there is no way to estimate how long it will take to get the job done. No longer will I roll my eyes when his Estimated Time of Arrival is "whenever he finishes the job at hand."

I say all this to encourage the wives out there to give your guy credit. Whether they are out doing sweaty manual labor or sitting behind a desk in an air conditioned building, they are working hard to provide for us and our children. We need to do everything without grumbling or complaining (Philippians 2:14), and give them the respect and appreciation they deserve. Even when we think they don't deserve it, give them grace. I have started singing this old hymn in my head to remind me of the grace I was given when I didn't deserve it. It helps me be gracious to him in my words and actions when I feel like getting annoyed or angry:

Grace, grace God's grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within.
Grace, grace God's grace
Grace that is greater than all my sin.

Now, don't get me wrong. Being a stay at home mom is hard work but.....


I think I'll keep my day job. ;)

Sew, Mama, Sew!

So my mom showed me some of the basics of sewing shortly after Abigail was born, and I discovered that I thoroughly enjoy it! I have made a few things here and there since then (almost 2 years ago! Crazy!). It is difficult to find the time to sit at the sewing machine and the room to spread out fabric and patterns but now that the kids are getting older and entertain each other, I'm finding myself having more free time to dedicate to it. (I think that was a terribly long run-on sentence but oh well..)

My mom bought me a sewing machine as an early birthday present so I finally got it out of its box and played around with it. To my husband's embarrassment, I am now an Instagramer. (Follow me @msmomaftergodsownheart) He doesn't like Instagram. He thinks its all hipster and artsy and makes fun of me for it but I like it! :) I was inspired by some of the shops I saw on there that had Mommy & Me outfits. At first I thought about purchasing some but then the lightbulb went on and I was like, "No way! I can make that...."


AND I DID! Introducing Mommy & Me matching skirts. Because, seriously, when you have a daughter THIS cute, you gotta be twinkies!

I used this circle skirt pattern for Abigail's: http://www.danamadeit.com/2008/07/tutorial-the-circle-skirt.html
I used this everyday skirt pattern for mine: http://icandy-handmade.com/2012/07/tutorial-and-pattern-everyday-skirt.html

She didn't have a black shirt so I took one of my old black shirts and made a pattern out of one of her tanks to make her top too. :)

That kissy face and ponytail. How did God allow that much cuteness in one tiny human?!

Elijah took this picture. Future photographer or what?!

I also saw shops on Instagram selling some super cute turban-inspired headbands. I used this video tutorial (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NOZjwwmKuk) to make my scrap fabric from our Mommy & Me skirts into this:

Even Abigail rocks it out! AND she actually kept it on her head for a good half hour!

I made the skirts yesterday during naptime and the headband this morning. Here are a few projects I've made since my debut of sewing after Abigail was born:

I made this T-shirt blanket for Keith a few months ago. I used a lot of his old band shirts that were ripped to shreds and weren't ever going to fit again. I didn't have enough so I threw in some AHA shirts that were stained.

Look at them! Oh, my heart. I made them matching Elmo pajama pants.

...And Elijah a hat. Just kidding! It was a skirt for that chunky monkey below:

Infinity scarf! 

Can't wait to see where my adventure in sewing takes me! If you see a pattern or something on Etsy/Pinterest that you really like, let me know! Would love to try to make it for you! :)

... I'm going to leave you with one of my new favorite pictures of Elijah and Abigail. I captured the most precious moment of them in the bathtub together. :) They truly love each other!

It was too cute not to hang in the bathroom! ... Don't mind that wall. I had a madwoman moment and decided to start tearing down wallpaper. This was a few months ago. I guess I also tore off the part of the wall that was supposed to stay there? (oops.) Not to mention all the rest of the walls still have the rad flower wallpaper still attached. Maybe one day I will finish the project I had in my head.... maybe. :)

Seeing Abortion Rightly and Acting Rightly as a Result

Satan has a high place when it comes to abortion in this nation. He is the father of lies and misinformation has run rampant, not only in the world, but in the church as well. I know it's in the church because I used to believe the lies and misinformation. I grew up going to church. I went to a private Baptist University. I was the Girl's Minister intern at a mega church in Texas, BUT if someone would have come up to me and asked me what I thought about abortion my reply would have been something like this:

"Well, I'm personally against it and think it should be illegal but since it's legal now then women should have the choice."

Yep. That's what I would've said. Fast forward a year when my husband and I moved into our first home. IT WAS LESS THAN A MILE FROM THE LAST SURGICAL ABORTION MILL IN THE STATE OF MISSISSIPPI. I would drive by that pink slaughter house EVERY DAY on my way to work and shake my head in dismay-- NOT at the women going to pay a man to kill their baby-- but at the "crazy" people holding signs and pleading with women outside.

Thankfully God saved me out of my apathetic stupor.  I mourned at the realization that abortion is not healthcare, choice, or a right but MURDER. There is no denying this if you believe the Word of God. Life begins at conception. An embryo, a fetus, a "clump of cells" (which is what we are by the way) is a human being created in the image of God by God for a purpose.

Excerpts from David Platt's book, "Counter Culture":

Abortion is:

- An affront to God's authority as Creator - Only God can take life and only God can give life.  Job 33:4, Job 12:10, Job 1:21, Deuteronomy 32:39

-An assault on His works in creation - Read Psalm 139:13-16 in light of someone inserting a tool, taking a pill, or undergoing an operation that takes that life that God is developing and destroys it.

- Attacks God's relationship with the unborn - He is intimately involved in the life of that baby from the moment of conception and even before that! Jeremiah 1:5, Psalm 22:9-10, Galatians 1:15, Isaiah 49:1, Luke 1:15

"If you are a Christian, I plead for you to step out of a muddled middle road that says, "I may not choose abortion, but I don't think we should take away others' right to choose it," and to realize how inconceivable it is for us to stay silent while millions of children- individuals made in the image of God- are dismembered and destroyed around us in the world. Such thinking is not enlightened tolerance; it is sinful indifference. Moral and political neutrality here is not an option for us. Randy Alcorn put it best when he said, 'To endorse or even to be neutral about killing innocent children created in God's image is unthinkable in the Scriptures, was unthinkable to Christians in church history, and should be unthinkable to Christians today.'"

So the way we view abortion should change our actions in regards to abortion.

I do not know if you realize this or not, but abortions do not just take place in buildings with hired medical staff. Medications, such as Plan B and some forms of birth control, sold at every major drug store, pharmacy, and grocery store give women the opportunity to kill their babies in the comfort of their own homes. Recently, Keith and I have been convicted about shopping at these stores. If we truly believe that these medications kill human beings then we cannot support a store that carries that drug. If Wal-Mart carried a weapon specified for women to take home and murder their three year old, refusing to shop there would be a no-brainer. Abortions provided by the Plan B pill are no different.

I began to research area grocery stores that do not sell baby-killing drugs. I found two close to my house. The first one that I looked at apparently is owned by a Christian family because when I went to look at their weekly ad.. this is what I saw:

I found out that they actually change that slogan/Bible verse every week. (This week it's "'Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.' Matthew 5:8 That's the good news. Now have a great day!" -- that just brings a big smile on my face!) Back to the prior slogan, the fact that I happened to be looking for a new grocery store for the reason listed above the week that they had chosen "You can't walk with God holding hands with the devil" speaks volumes to me.

So Mac's is now our go-to grocery store, and we love it! Shopping locally is something that we have always admired anyway, they bag the groceries for you, and our money doesn't support a store that provides medicine to kill humans! That's a win, win, win!