We just finished a long weekend of activism and ministry at the Abolish Human Abortion: Project Nineveh conference in Jackson. I'm about to open up a big can of "Welcome to Amber's super personal life," which is pretty much what this entire blog encompasses.... so I guess you are prepared.
CONFESSION: I, Amber Dalton, am one of the most introverted, people-pleasing, and non-confrontational people you will ever meet. Most people have an opinion on our methods and stance with Abolish Human Abortion, and it's usually not a positive one. This clearly causes a major clash with my nature (listed above). Anytime I do not get positive feedback from people on something that I am doing, I tend to get super anxious, and I try to get away from the confrontation. This, however, is not the way the Word of God tells me to be.
Galatians 1:10 - Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
1 Thessalonians 2:4 - On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.
There was a documentary crew filming us this weekend called "The Last Clinic." A very wise woman told me yesterday to not even watch what they put online. She said it would be a waste of emotional energy and time. She said that the only camera that I need to worry about getting me on film is God's. As long as what I am doing is soundly backed by Scripture, and I know that I will stand before God one day to give an account, running from confrontation should not be my instinct.
On Sunday, Satan did a real number on me. I was overwhelmed by fear. The gets-your-stomach-in-knots-and-you-can't-eat fear. Two nights in a row Keith was out at the local strip clubs pleading with men to repent and stop objectifying women. One of those nights a well-known gang (like rough, scary, bearded, bulky men) came up and began threatening Keith's and the other people's lives that were with him. I am at peace with the possibility of Keith dying because of his faith. We have already talked about him going to China to smuggle Bibles and do things that would put his life in danger. I've told him that the only way he could leave me on this earth with our children by myself is by dying while proclaiming the Gospel. A car wreck or illness ain't gonna fly! (God's will be done, of course. I ultimately want whatever brings Him the most glory!) So why was I overcome with fear, you ask? Well, while I was giving the kids a bath, I began to envision a hostile group barging into my house and doing something to them. I could not even fathom it. I got them out of the bath tub and began to blare praise and worship music. I knew that I needed God to speak to me through His Word. I happened to open right up to Psalm (which is a great book to read when you are fearful of your enemies by the way!) I read Psalm 137 and nothing really stood out at me, but it is amazing what simply reading Truth from the Scriptures does to your soul! I began reading Psalm 138. Here are some verses that stood out to me:
Psalm 138:3 - On the day I called, you answered me; my strength of soul you increased.
Psalm 138:7 - Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me.
Psalm 138:8 - The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.
That last verse you may remember from a prior blog post when we were dealing with the adoption situation. It was so neat for the Lord to remind me that His purpose is being fulfilled for me! He knows all of these situations I will be in before I ever know. He has every day of my life written in His book. Psalm 139:16 - Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
The very wise woman I spoke of earlier also told me that in dealing with my fear, I cannot protect what happens from the outside, but I CAN protect what happens from the inside (my thoughts). Once I stop using all my emotional energy trying to play through every scenario that could endanger my children, the more I can start digging into God's Word and praying to surrender whatever happens outside to God.
So if you made it through this long post about everything that is going on in the mind of Amber, I will leave you with my recipe for dealing with everything that I just mentioned going on in my head.
MY RECIPE FOR DEALING WITH EVERYTHING I MENTIONED IN THIS BLOG POST:
(The non-confrontational nature, the anxiety trying to please people, the fear of repercussions from bringing Truth to the scariest of places)
1. Read my Bible daily
2. Pray without ceasing and with my husband daily
3. Anytime anxiety or fear begins to sneak in, take it captive head-on by fixing my eyes on Jesus (whether that be through singing praises at the top of my lungs, reading and proclaiming the Truth of God's Word, or silent prayer)
Praying for any of you that may deal with any of these things that I mentioned. Always remember that the Word of God is our sword (Hebrews 4:12, Ephesians 6:17). It is our weapon against the enemy who is actively seeking to destroy us! Press on, brothers and sisters! PRESS ON!
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